Bear With Me

(This doesn't have much to do with music...but it stems from the research I've done in movies for music, and it amused me on a Monday morning. Thus, we go with it.)

Over the past month or two, I've been watching a lot of horror movies, particularly for the music. But it hasn't been an entirely technical adventure...I've really enjoyed the movies I've been watching. Except for maybe Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Part of the problem I had with it was it had essentially no plot. I summarized it this way:

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: One by one, five teenagers wander into a cave and are eaten by bears.

I was discussing it with a friend (Mark the Movieman!), and mentioned how the last 15 minutes or so were just uncomfortable. He compared it to I Spit On Your Grave, another movie that can be uncomfortable to watch. So, I watched it. I liked it more than TCM, in that it had more of a conflict-driven plot. I summarized that as so:

I Spit On Your Grave: A woman survives a horrific bear attack, and decides to hunt them down and kill them. To do so, she pretends that she really, really likes bears.

I then realized that damn near any horror movie can be summarized as if it's about bears. (OK, yeah, I was getting silly here):

Halloween: A bear escapes the zoo, and terrorizes a suburb. It is shot six times, but still escapes.

A Nightmare on Elm Street: Kids are eaten by bears in their dreams.

Child's Play: People are mauled by a teddy bear.

Fright Night: No one believes a teenager when he says that a bear is in the woods next to his house. He enlists Marlon Perkins to help him get rid of the bear.

Friday the 13^th: Mother bear goes on a rampage after teenagers inadvertently kill her cub.

Hellreaiser: A man plays with an ancient hunting call and inadvertently summons bears. 

Jaws: People go into the woods, and are eaten by bears.

Chopping Mall: Horny teenagers are locked in the zoo overnight, and are eaten by bears.

The Ring: Teenagers are eaten by bears seven days after watching Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.

From my good friend Mark the Movieman:

"Alien: People on a camping trip end up chasing a bear cub into a cave and end up waking up a Hibernating bear who attacks them one by one."

I can't decide if the bear summary works once you get outside of horror:

Star Wars: Bears overrun the galaxy. A young man learns biology and blows up their cave.

Harry Potter: A young child inexplicably survives a bear attack that kills his parents. He goes to school to become a zookeeper, but his fights with bears are not over...

Titanic: A luxury ship is attacked by polar bears.

Those may be stretching it a bit, but I gotta say....I would watch the hell out of that version of Titanic.

What do you say? What else can be summarized with bears?